Evanescence

Everything comes to an end. We are often very reluctant to accept this but there's always a situation that makes us change our mind. Or at least, that's what happened to me some time ago. 

Yesterday, I had to do some stuff which made me go out. Then, the plans with my best friend got cancelled so I decided to stop by a park I really like here in my city. I bought an iced vanilla latte which I'm a huge fan of and then sat on the grass alone to breathe some fresh air while thinking about this specific moment of my life, the goals I have, the class planning I have left, the guy I like. I stared at the sky, at the people passing by, at their dogs and the cars in the street. I was just staring at everything until I noticed that one thing was missing, and it was the restaurant where I shared many memories with someone who meant so much to me but now means nothing but a bad dream. 

It was May 2019 and I was hanging out with some friends, we had made a nice photoshoot and I still love the portraits we were able to produce that day, I felt proud of my modeling skills, haha. Time went by so fast and by the time we finished it was 10pm, I think. I got a call from my boyfriend at that time and he told me his parents were out of town, then offered to buy me dinner and took me with him in the car that night. Of course, I accepted, and it was one of the best nights of my life. We went to the restaurant and we ate burgers and fries like pigs, and we laughed so much about some stupid stuff we had always laughed about, we felt genuinely happy. When we broke up, I used to cry every time I remembered that place, and I couldn't pass by that place for some months, it was just so difficult for me, my sensitive ass couldn't take it. 

Going back to yesterday, when I saw that the place had gotten demolished and absolutely nothing is left, I couldn't avoid stating an analogy in my mind: nothing from that place is left as well as nothing is left in my heart, nothing for him. Everything just evanesced.

When we are in love, we have that naive tendency of thinking that those romantic and happy moments will last forever, but it almost never happens like that, I learned it the hard way. No one is perfect and sometimes patience leaves the equation, love leaves the equation or worse, greed and jealousy enter the equation. It's somehow mournful to think that the hatred you end feeling for someone can be much bigger than the love you once felt for them. And then, when time goes by and life continues, you come to a point where you just don't feel anything. Now you see them passing by and you're just strangers with memories, but it doesn't hurt. You just don't feel anything else anymore.

Everything comes to an end. Everything comes to an evanescence.

-L

Kind Of Love #1

These days, one particular thought has caught my attention. There are many kinds of love depending on the person who gives it to you... and that's why I've decided to make a series on this blog called 'Kind Of Love', which I think could be a suitable name for the book I am planning to write as well, why not?

Anyways, today's Kind Of Love composition goes to an old friend of mine -and not arguably, the best.

This beautiful girl was born on January 21st, 1996, exactly 42 days after I was born, and honestly, we've been friends for such a long time that I don't even remember how we met, I guess we were still babies, LOL. 

Since she was little, she was pretty eloquent and cute, I remember her red cheeks every time she used to tell me things about her dolls. She shared all her toys with me when my grandma used to take me to her house (her mom and my grandma have been friends for many years).

When we were teenagers, I remember how she ran everywhere just after coming home from school. I used to see her playing sports in the park with some friends, red cheeks again. This was such a funny stage of our lives because I got scolded a couple of times because of her craziness but we laughed a lot with stuff like a Shakira doll guitar, when we liked Emo stuff, when we made some shitty ice cream in a rooftop at my grandparent's house, when I threw myself with an umbrella from a that same rooftop and fucked my foot and she "took care" of me...

As adults, we are not there for each other talking shit everyday... but we are for each other when we have to be. She is the person who knows my deepest insecurities and fears, yet I know I can trust her more than anyone. She is such an honest, humble and beautiful person. Even though she's very beautiful on the outside with her fit body and beautiful eye smile and freckles, she's even more beautiful on the inside.

She's the friend who loves you for who you are.

She's the friend who helps you without condition.

She's the friend who shares her things with those who need them.

She's the friend without prejudice.

She's the friend with a big heart.

She's the friend who makes room in her own bed if you need it.

She's the friend who makes delicious foods for you (And this is such a big expression of selflessness and love).

She's the friend who calls people "stupid" when they try to wrong you.

She's the friend who tells you the truth with honesty and respect even when you don't want to hear it.

And I could continue on and on with all the memories I have with her, but today, I want to celebrate her life and be thankful for having known her and being part of her life as she is so important for me too.

Thank you for your friendship, your sincerity, your selflessness, your delicious food and your beautiful vibe and sense of independence. You inspire me to do better and I know I'm not the only one.

Happy Birthday, Nata, I love you so much. 

-L

Things we don't see

Lately, I've been thinking about the things we don't notice or see in ourselves but other people do. Sometimes, we are so deep into our insecurities and fears that we don't see the good things we have, and I'm not talking about money or material stuff, I'm talking about other type of stuff. 

One day I was feeling particularly sad about a comment an old friend had said about me. This person told me I was copying her and following every step she takes in her life, which honestly made me laugh at first because I couldn't believe such stupidity. I've always known my value and I've always had my own creativity, humor and style, therefore, I've never done such thing as she said but let's face it: some people feel the need to dim your light for them to "shine". Anyway, that day, I let that petty thing affect me and I was feeling blue AF. 

Later that day, I was chatting with a French friend I met in Korea, and I told her I was feeling sad and all of that. She told me I was a brilliant person to her and that she loved my hair and my smile. Yes! My hair and my smile. This could sound stupid, but that single thing made me realize that sometimes we get lost in petty things and we don't see the beautiful features we have.

After that, I received more comments like that one and I've been taking it as a signal. People have told me that I'm disciplined, I'm inspiring, that my friendship is important to them, that I'm intelligent, that my path has inspired them to follow their dreams, that I'm humble, that I'm a great teacher and even that I have a beautiful skin tone. 

I think we should take compliments and good words more seriously. If we did, I'm sure the world would be a better place. Surely, bad comments can make us feel bad, but why do we choose to stick to those comments instead of believing more in the good ones? People say those good things about us for a reason. 

On the other hand, I think we should know the importance not only of receiving those kind words, but the importance of giving them. As my French friend did to me, you don't know when your kind words can lift someone's spirit, you could be helping that person understand their value, because we all have an immeasurable value even though we don't see it sometimes. 

I don't know who is reading this, but regardless of anything, you are great, you are magnificent, you can do whatever you want to do in this world, you shine, you are beautiful inside and outside, your fears and failures don't define what you are, you are loved and there's nothing but success in your future if you put your grind to it. 

I love you and I thank you for reading my thoughts.

-L