I guess there are some moments in life when our worth is questioned by others so we can learn to truly appreciate all the effort and passion we have put into building ourselves up. It's obvious that we aren't supposed to be liked by absolutely everyone, but people who make you question your own worth don't deserve a spot in your life. You can love them so much, but sometimes loving them won't stop them from wanting to make you feel miserable. In fact, the way they act to you speaks more of what they really have inside than the real measure of your worth. I decided to give a strong opening to this post because this is what it is going to be about: strength.
Someone I used to admire and appreciate as a man, told me a couple of days ago that the price to be with me was too high, and I didn't know if I should have felt flattered or offended. Truth first, I felt both ways.
Why flattered? Because that means I am worth the risk, I am not the kind of woman you find every two minutes on the street. I have built myself and the things I have from scratch and I am not mediocre.
Why offended? Because he basically told me on my face that he wasn't going to pay the price to be with me. He wasn't willing to put the commitment, effort and love that a woman like me is worth for.
That's when I go back to the opening phrase of this post: "would Beyoncé put up with this shit?" The answer is NO. Beyoncé is one of my role models in life. She is independent, talented, beautiful and basically built her own empire by combining those three characteristics she has. She doesn't need anyone to be happy. I want to be like her.
I may not be Beyoncé, but I know my worth because I have paid dearly every ounce of it. I have sacrificed myself a lot and I'm willing to continue doing so, I work on myself, I give my best to the ones I love... I don't deserve any kind of half-ass love from a half-ass man. Guess he's worth a half-ass girl as well.
I feel so satisfied to have told him that you get what you are willing to pay for. If you are a warm-hearted person with good intentions, committed and consistent, you will get someone who matches your effort. If you are mediocre, not empathetic at all, pedantic and casually cruel in the name of being honest, you're never going to get a good person. As that old saying states: "you get what you are". You decide if that excites you or scares you.
I am willing to receive only the kind of love I am willing to give; which is complete, committed and consistent. I don't expect anything less than that, and the person who is not willing to give me that and instead wants to make me feel unworthy of love, can perfectly fuck off from my life. It applies to friendships, but more than that: to those arrogant and irrelevant AF "men".
Remember: once I close the door, I throw the key forever.
-L
