We have been always taught to care.
"Pay attention to what people says about you", says your mother.
"Pay attention to every signal a person gives you so you know what their intentions are", says your bestie.
And so on.
However, I think that sometimes it is pretty important not to care, but not only that, not giving a fuck can help you a lot when getting out of a dark place.
Being an oversensitive ass woman has led me to have my heart broken more than a couple of times, but today, I'm going to focus on how I got over some shitty, medium ugly, mediocre men who made me suffer even having those features (intelligent women sometimes commit mistakes, I know, I know).
The truth is that heartbreak sucks, let alone all the hurting you have to endure only to realize at the end that they didn't deserve all the attention you gave them and the tears you cried. It sucks to be sitting on the floor listening to Last Kiss by Taylor Swift, trying to understand everything while they are probably talking to other women who are probably as mediocre as them, or worse, talking to intelligent women who end up giving them a chance just to get backstabbed just as you did.
The worst part is when there's nothing left but sadness because you really loved them but they act as if nothing ever happened between you two, which mistakenly leads you to think that you weren't good enough when the reality is that you cannot expect an ordinary and immature man to understand the sincerity and love you gave him.
Every person gives what they have, so you should feel good or bad accordingly.
After many breakup songs, pinterest quotes and conversations with good friends, I realized that if you gave them love, genuine interest and affection, you shouldn't feel bad. If they mind-twisted you and then showed you their true colors, they are the ones who should carry the emotional baggage of the situation, not you. They probably won't do it now or in a long time, but all you should do is NOT. GIVE. A. SINGLE. FUCK.
After these breakups, there was a moment in which I really felt the heaviness leaving my body and soul, and that was when I started not giving a single fuck about them. And this is not fast, if you're an oversensitive ass like me, it's not gonna be fast or easy at all, but there's this moment when you're tired of crying and clinging onto a situationship that's not gonna bring you more than frustration and sadness... but it stops, there's really a moment when something changes inside of you and you can finally start to not give a fuck. However, you should put all your effort into maintaining that state of not-giving-a-fucking-ness, and I'll tell you how.
Disclaimer: I'm not an expert as I have only had to get over two assholes, but I guess this is gonna help someone. Or at least you'll entertain yourself reading my stuff.
- Do all the crying and complaining you need, give yourself time to heal, listen to Red by Taylor Swift while you cry and then good 4 u by Olivia Rodrigo while you imagine you punch them in the face, pray to God and ask him to remove all the heaviness and sadness from your heart, but don't let this sadness extend for too long. Discover how you can heal and put your heart and soul in it.
- When somebody tells you anything about them: tell them you don't want to know, tell them that this guy is dead for you. You'll protect yourself from unwanted news about those pieces of crap, AND you're not supposed to give a fuck, so take it seriously. You can do it.
- BLOCK their dusty ass on all your social media platforms. Or in case they've blocked you, DO NOT STALK THEM. If you do it, the process is going to take longer. Besides, who wants to see ugly stupid men? Not seeing what they're up to is going to help you a lot. Remember, they're dead for you, they're irrelevant and mediocre, they don't exist.
- Don't talk about them anymore. If you talk about them constantly with your close ones, you'll remember good and bad things, and we don't want that, we are not giving a fuck. Remember?
- You don't need their closure. All the closure you needed came in the form of ghosting and disrespect towards you and your feelings. I remember when my first ex came like, six months later after we had broken up to "explain me the reasons why". Like, why would I want to hear all that bullshit when I literally had forgotten that he existed? The audacity.
- Work on your personal growth. Grow that booty, study, invest time in the people who truly loves you, get that master's degree scholarship and remind yourself that you're a thousand levels over them and they were just a mistake you'll never allow to happen again because you'll love yourself enough to not let these things happen.
