Sincerity

In the past few hours, I've been thinking about sincerity. It may seem stupid but today, I had a conversation with a friend who told me to thank a guy for being "sincere" with me, even when he was telling me that I was a friend to him but, nevertheless, he wanted to hook up with me. Many people don't have trouble with this, but I find it so fucking offensive when men don't want to have a decent bit of commitment but they want to enjoy you, your body and your time. I am so freaking pissed in this moment. Should I really thank for that shit? Because I think I shouldn't, and off course, I'm not gonna do it. 

As a person who takes feelings as a serious matter, I really wonder why people these days don't value other people. Many folks who read this are probably going to say "no one is obliged to like you or be with you", and that's right. But don't you become tired of giving your best and trying so hard for people who don't give a single fuck about you? If you knew from the beginning that they don't care, it would be okay, but why do men have to keep the limits blurred and not talk clearly about the true intentions they have with you until you ask them directly? The worst thing about it is that even if you're mad, you try to seek some explanations about their behaviour towards you, and you do it in a good way but they end up telling you you're "exaggerated"... But no, they can't be exaggerated, they're very calm playing some fucking stupid PS4 video game while you're waiting for a decent answer. Let's remember that men can't be exaggerated, ladies, that's only reserved to us as women, everything we do is exaggerated and calculated.

And you know what's even worse? That you even get to the point of contemplating to give in in order to make things work and they take advantage of that and they ignore you as if you were any kind of fly on the wall, nothing important for them. Though, at least, that's coherent with the "sincerity" they expressed in their words. 

Today, I learned that if you have a classmate you don't like, it should stay like that. Don't make peace with someone you didn't trust at first... it can become something godforsaken stupid like this.

I'm sure that if the guy I'm addressing ever reads this, he's not gonna like it... but I'm showing him how I truly feel and that's what is called sincerity. 

-L

Giving love magnifies you... even if others don't appreciate it

 

I would be lying if I say that I have never complained about having wasted my love on someone who didn't deserve it. Of course I did, and I've also heard some of my friends and many strangers on the internet complaining about the same reason. Many quotes on Pinterest say that you deserve what you give others, but we all know that most times life isn't like that. Most times, life just won't give you back what you expect.

When we are in love, we usually think that we want to make the other person happy, that's why we give some intangible but no less important presents such as time, affection, and most important: commitment. We give those because we want, because the other person is important to us and they make us feel loved. Hence, we want to make them feel loved as well. 

BUT...

What happens when they dump you? What happens when they commit a mistake that makes it impossible for you to accept any apologies later on? First, you don't believe it. Then, you feel deceived... and then hatred joins the bunch of emotions and feelings you have been experienced since the other person decided to leave with vacuous explanations, or worse, leaving without having any decency or respect towards you, the time you shared, and the hopes they gave you.

Many people talk about closing cycles as if it was something easy to do, but sometimes, life won't give you the closure that you want. You can never know a person completely, and the person you once loved can suddenly change and they aren't probably going to have the guts or decency to say sorry for what they did and and give you a chance to say good bye before leaving. They usually just leave real quick amidst pure cowardice, leaving you undone. 

I know firsthand what it is to feel like that, what it is to feel your love was wasted and taken for granted. You might think from time to time that all the time, affection and commitment you gave them is a crumpled up piece of paper in this moment... and it might be for them, but you shouldn't let that make you feel like less of a human being.

It took me some time to understand this: even if a person took your love for granted and deceived you, the love that you so selflessly gave is always going to magnify you, and the fact that you were capable to love another human being in that way should make you feel valuable and special. I learned that you will never be enough for some people... but you can be enough for you and the people who truly love you without being so hard on yourself and trying so hard to impress.

I just hope these words can help you feel better, 'cause you are amazing and worthy of love. I hope someday you find a Lover who values you, deserves you and appreciates you for everything you are. I hope you remember these words when you are in a dark place, thinking you're not enough. 

-L