Strangers

 

It took me more than a month and a half to come back here because many things have happened since then. I am basically in a moment when I am about to achieve one of the biggest dreams of my life but I am just living while waiting for a confirmation. I wouldn't say I feel sad, or yes, sometimes I do, but to be honest, every day feels weird.

I was cleaning my phone today and found some screenshots from conversations with a person who used to be important to me... Sometimes I look through my window to the direction this person lives and I don't know what to feel anymore. Sometimes I ask myself if I am guilty of all of this, or if this wasn't the right timing, or if everything was supposed to fail since the very beginning. Sometimes everything goes wrong, no matter how much you try, sometimes you just try too much but you know you won't get anything from someone who doesn't give a fuck about you or your feelings. 

I can't count how many times I have overanalyzed what happened and still find myself guilty for opening the door to someone who never had any good intentions with me, I thought I knew this person but certainly, I didn't at all. I guess I made a priority out of someone who just took me like an option. 

Have you ever felt so much with someone but at the end you're just strangers again?

No matter how much love you want to offer someone, sometimes they just deserve your absence. 

No matter how many diamonds you have for someone, sometimes they prefer the stones on the dirty side of the road. 

And it's okay. 

I have come to the conclusion that no matter how much you want to make it work with someone, no matter how good your intentions are, how much you appreciate them... when it's not them, it's not them. It doesn't matter how much chemistry you have when you are together. Love is like grass, it grows when you water it... guess it only grew on my side of the fence. However, you cannot water it forever and wait for it to grow if you don't find commitment from the other person, that's why I decided to build a taller fence and walk away.

Being true to myself, I prefer to have a coffee every afternoon and be sad for a while than waiting for someone to appreciate me. I guess I deserve better than a dude that is "too busy" to send a message and has plenty of ordinary and cheap-looking women in his options. 

Well, after all, at least I'm sure I still have a good heart and that my intentions were pure and good. I haven't lost any value. My heart hasn't lost any value. Something big is coming my way and I guess I have to be fully open to that rather than worrying about someone who acts like he doesn't have a heart. Someone who just can't apologize for his wrongdoings. Someone who sees being vulnerable and honest like a weakness.

I can literally feel the next chapter of my life coming soon... I'll focus on that from now on. I've been working for that for the last four years of my life, so now I'll just sit and enjoy the rewards of my hard work. I deserve it. I deserve to be happy.

-L